I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
