The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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