That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
