first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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