i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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