You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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