idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
