Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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