he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
