This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
