OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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