my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
