Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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