when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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