paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
