would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
