I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
