that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
