i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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