I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
