After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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