do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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