Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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