clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
