Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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