we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
