FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
