I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
