So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
