It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
