just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
