you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
