And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
