ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
