Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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