You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
