In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
