The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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