hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
