dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
