my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
