That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
