I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
