And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
