I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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