You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
