she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
