I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
