Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
