I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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