Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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