if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
