next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
