I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
